You broke up… What now?
Break-ups are not easy to handle. They might even tear you apart. They make you cry or eat too much of ice cream.
But one day you’ll have to let go and move on. You can be great again. How? There’s a process in order for you to be whole again after you’ve split with what you thought was the love of your life
After breaking up, you will undergo a process: denial, grief, pain, anger, acceptance, letting go and finally being whole again. These stages are inevitable for you to get rid of all the pain you feel inside.
1. Denial – You just can’t believe you’ve broken up. You try contacting him or her or checking the past messages you’ve had on messenger, Snapchat, Viber, SMS or whatever. You stalk the person online. You hope they message you or think about you.
2. Grief – So you realize the other person is really gone. You cry all the time. You drink like a fish, eat like a monster. You eat-sleep-eat-sleep combo all day. You go to work looking like a truck rolled on you five times. But you don’t care. Because there is just too much pain in your heart.
3. Pain – Pain, and grief normally go together at the same time. But at times the grief is gone but the pain remains. You feel your chest constricting and you can’t breathe. You feel like something is crushing you from nowhere.
4. Anger – After you’ve missed the other person, you may end up hating him or her. You can feel steam rising in you. You question how can they leave you or how can they mess up a very good relationship. You can also be angry at yourself. You can feel hate towards what you have done in your relationship. You question everything you’ve done in the past.
5. Acceptance – Accepting that your past love is gone and the relationship over eventually comes. You learn to live by yourself. You break his or her things. You remove the pictures from your phone. You live and you start to feel fine. You know it hurts but you’ve accepted. You’re ready now to start a brand new page.
6. Letting go – After the breakup, it may take time for you to eventually let go, but it will happen. It may take some time; it may take a year or so. But it will happen. You will live and be happy again. You will find something new to love or make you happy.
7. Being whole again – Being whole means being ok no matter what has happened in the past. You don’t feel hate towards your ex. You don’t wish him to be hit by a car or her to fall into a manhole while she texts.
Being whole means finally growing and being happy with or without someone.
So after the break-up and after the wailing and crying, you need to look like a human being again. You need to go to work or school. You need to function. But how do you do that?
1. Accept the pain – The pain is part of the process. It does happen. It will crush you. It will hurt you in places that you thought could never hurt. It will cause you to drink and want to destroy your life. But you have to accept pain. You have to FEEL IT.
2. Give yourself time – Don’t hurry into being ok. You need to grieve. Cry if you must.
3. Distract yourself – Take a hobby. Hangout with friends. Do something besides crying. You need to focus on the other good things in your life.
4. Get that haircut – Look good. You don’t want to run into your ex look like a loser right. Look good. Shower, please!
5. Do something that makes you happy – Find something that you find joy in. Start a new hobby. Do charity work. Find something that lights you up. Be happy about existing.
6. Create a path towards success – Maybe it’s now time to work on you. Stop wallowing, start doing. Do something that will help you be a better version of yourself. Work hard. Study. Invest in yourself and your growth.
7. Be happy with being with yourself – A lot of people dread break-ups because they don’t want to be alone. But the key to happiness is not finding a relationship. It is finding happiness with whatever state you’re in. Acceptance is the key.
A better you!
As cliche’ as it sounds, being a better and wiser version of yourself is the best way to get back up from a break-up. Sure it has hurt you and tore you apart, but hey, you’re still here. And you deserve to be happy and shine.
Written by Mike Geerinck
Mike is the Co-Founder and Executive Producer for Amnesti. He has been the creative mastermind and main public speaker at hundreds of Amnesti seminars worldwide. The foundational principles, concepts, and lessons of Amnesti centers around advanced content Mike created while traveling the world and analyzing male-and-female interactions.