Smalltalk: do’s and dont's
You either have it or you don’t: the gift of smalltalk, the gift of talking to anybody, anywhere, anytime. And if you have it, you are one of the lucky few who has no problem at all to talk to the opposite sex. If you have it, you normally go to a first date without any stress when it comes to conversation. But if you are not one of the lucky few, you might want to read the following tips. Because maybe you can’t fill the whole evening talking about what was on tv last night and you might want to keep the conversation going. Here are some do’s and don’ts to talk your way through the date!
Keep it smooth
Don’t try to brag about knowledge you might or might not have. If you’re an engineer, don’t start talking about how well constructed the building is. It WILL bore her. If you’re a sportsman, don’t start by showing off your muscles (she will notice them in a later stadium (uhu!)) or don’t start to overwhelm her with details about your diet. At the beginning of the evening, you keep it smooth. You talk about the weather or about the restaurant where you’re at and how nice it is. It will give her the time to relax too and from the moment you’re both confident, the conversation will automaticcaly evolve to more complicated and detailed matters.
‘What a pretty dress you’re wearing’ or ‘You look great’ will help you to break the ice. Once you complimented her, you ask a question. ‘Do you come here a lot?’ ‘Are you living far away from here?’ After the compliment, she will be pleased to answer your question with extended version of the answer which mostly leads to a good conversation.
There isn’t a woman on the earth who thinks a complaining man is attractive or interesting. On your first date, you are positive about everything and about every subject that comes across. It’s raining outside? You joke about the fact that it ruins your hair, but you tell her with a smile. There’s a politician who did something stupid in public? Don’t start bashing, but take the situation lightly and have a good laugh. And never, ever talk about former dates that you disliked. Maybe you want to tell her that she’s the best date you’ve had in a long time, she will only hear the fact that you have been dating many, many women. It would only lead to two results:
1. She starts feeling very insecure because she thinks you’re a critical person who rates his dates.
2. She’s offended by the number and thinks she only next in line.
The conversation gets stuck somehow? Don’t worry, that shouldn’t be any problem. If that happens, you just ask her some open questions. Those are questions she can’t answer by a simple yes or no. They mostly start with a question word. Prepare those questions, just in case. Let’s call it your emergency way out. If she looks like she’s interested in fashion, ask her which men’s stores she would recommend. If she already told you she likes reading, ask her which books she would recommend. Ask her about her favorite hobbies when she was a kid or how many brothers and sisters she has… Plenty of possibilities, just think about it before you go to the date!
Written by Mike Geerinck
Mike is the Co-Founder and Executive Producer for Amnesti. He has been the creative mastermind and main public speaker at hundreds of Amnesti seminars worldwide. The foundational principles, concepts, and lessons of Amnesti centers around advanced content Mike created while traveling the world and analyzing male-and-female interactions.